this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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