I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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