Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
