I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
