i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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