omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize