Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
