i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
