Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry