ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.