I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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