I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
