pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
