Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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