Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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