I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
KhloĂ© Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
15 Porn Memes Youâ€™re Only Allowed To Laugh At If Youâ€™re Over 18
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!