at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.