just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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