Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
