I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
