I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
