so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
