Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
