when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
