Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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