I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
