1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
