You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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