we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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