Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
