I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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