she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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