If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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