god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
im on a boat
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