Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ugly people sure do ruin things
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
