grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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