I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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