i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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