I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had sex on a roof
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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