im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
