if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
