Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen