He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.