We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.