If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
