i need an iv and a liver transplant
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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