Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
tell me about the eggs
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