Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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