That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
