I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry about my life...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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