I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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