so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
