Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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