Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.