So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.