I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize