she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's blow job season.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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