I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
