Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
