Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
